Genetic farming breakthrough?

"How much ham are you having?" B remarked with some incredulity having noticed the rather large slice on my plate. "You've got half a cow there," she continued.

Lurking in the shadows

Looking for something late at night, by the permagloom cast from low energy bulbs, is like probing dark recesses of the mind; it's in here somewhere, but what else awaits?

Gifting (what a ghastly term)

I'm giving my unsuspecting wife an iron for Christmas. Functional gifts are great don't you think? Apparently she's got a knife for me. How exciting!

What do John Paul Jones, Dave Grohl and Josh Homme have in common with my children?

Just back from a memorable Them Crooked Vultures set at Hammersmith Apollo. In places, it was a touch prog for my taste, but overall they were magnificent. I was trying to think of how to describe it to B, who is fed up with me gushing Grohl/Homme whenever I've seen Foo Fighters/QOTSA. I decided that the gig (all 1hr 45mins of it) was much like our children's first few years; exasperating at times, but then they'd do something wonderful & I'd have forgiven them anything.

See what you think. Here's all 98mins of them last week.

Her worst fears confirmed

B is not a fan of online social networking. This evening, somewhat sceptically she signed up to Twitter. "It's fun you'll see," I said encouragingly. "I'll find you and add you to my follows."

We searched, on a full name basis, for her newly created user profile. The search came back instantly with somebody called Twatpockett topping the list.

"That's not me," she said.

Time waits for no one, lest we forget

Mum's kitchen resounds with the buzzing of timers. Repeatedly, she mutes them & then returns to the paper. It's an age thing apparently.

The road to Cambodia #2

Buoyed by the success of the fish raffle, Simon & Colin head to the park, jump on an old bike and go like the clappers

The Brazilian Job

Tunneling Sao Paulo raiders take $6m during football match and find time to tidy up Xmas bush - The Brazilian Job

Only fools and horses.....

My darling wife's take on one of my 'what next' concepts:

J has announced that posting spoonerisms on twitter is the way to make his fortune. It will however require him to do facebooking and twittering 10hours a day 7 days a week. I pointed out that if he thinks standing on the internet equivalent of a street corner yelling victor lagina is ever going to make him any money then he's deluded. He tells me that if each "follower" results in 0.01p revenue with every click then he could make millions. He currently has 18 "followers".

Behind every great man, as they say.

The road to Cambodia

He can now look a hammerhead in the eyes. New goggles & involuntary bowel openings threaten Simon's preparation

Normal service resumes

B has passed her last set of exams. We are all looking forward to seeing a lot more of her at home again. This morning, both of us tired after a broken night's sleep, she was a little short with me over something inconsequential.

"You're right," she said when I asked her what was wrong. "I've forgotten what it's like being around you."

The lunatics are of our own making

In response to Karen Redman's heartwrenching post on her son's schooling.

Karen - I am unencumbered by a detailed understanding of secondary education; both my children are pre-school age. I’m guessing then that the ghastly situation you describe so eloquently is broadly a symptom of something even more tragic, namely the societal rot that grips us. Yes, I'm sure there are schools that need to improve the quality of education and care provided, but hasn't that always been the case?

I suspect it is the increasingly widespread dysfunctional behaviour of children, rather than a nationwide collapse in the quality of teachers, teaching and school funding, that prevents so many youngsters today from enjoying an enriching and rewarding learning experience at school.

At some point over the last couple of generations, we seem to have lost sight of how to nurture the basic values children need if they are to become responsible members of society as adults. Respect for elders and family; an understanding that needs are fulfilled through hard graft; tolerance, acceptance and thinking of others; a sense of purpose in life and an understanding that we exist as part of a community and not as individuals, to name but a few.

Our consumption driven, selfishly motivated way of living today seems entirely at odds with real happiness and fulfillment both for children and society as a whole.

Fortunately for your son, he has the most important provision on his journey through childhood; parents who care deeply and who will stop at nothing to help him on his way. Bravo!

Sharks, crocodiles, dinosaurs and wet floors

"... are all very dangerous," declared H, having woken us pre-dawn this morning with something important to say.

If a job is worth doing (and then bagging).......

On a number of occasions, whilst out for a walk over the last couple of weeks, I have noticed a phenomenon that is simply mind-boggling. I am referring to the odious practice of hanging dog shit in trees. The more I think about it, the more absurd the act becomes.

Picking up after your dog is, let's face it, a pretty unpleasant task. I don't condone it, but I can see why some dog owners turn a blind eye when Rover pinches a loaf. On the other hand, as a runner who has often got back from a training session, only to tread the unthinkable into the house, I am eternally grateful to those who do clean up after their pets.

This is where I just don't get it. Who gets halfway through the job and then thinks, my work is done? As a public footpath user, my debt to society is paid. I'll just adorn this bush, and let someone else enjoy the final act of bag into bin. It makes you wonder how these people decorate their trees at Christmas.

What do you call a baby donkey?

Sunday saw our first 2008 visit to the local children's farm park. H still regards most of the residents with suspicion, but on this occasion one new arrival met with a certain degree of approval. Esme the donkey had foaled just days before; the staff were eager to name him. I asked H what he would call the young colt.

"Donk!" he replied despairingly, as if I was the only person on the planet that didn't know.

Fighting over an apple

"It's myPod too!" she screamed before taking it from me. I told people at work we had bought ourselves an iPod. They said there would be trouble. They were right.

Giving and receiving compliments

A few days before Christmas, whilst B and I were driving down to her parents' house, we started talking about how we'd stopped paying each other compliments since our children had arrived in 2005. Spending much less time together, coupled with new responsibilities as parents had resulted in a gradual decline in our expression of mutual appreciation. This hadn't been a conscious decision from either of us. It was something that had just happened over time. Sitting in the car, the children asleep in the back seats, we decided to rekindle this part of our relationship. "You start then," I said, thinking of all the things that I love about my beautiful wife.

"Hmmmm..." she said quizzically after about ten minutes. "You're quite good at parking."

On yer bike!

I don't normally pedal this kind of thing. Puns in the comments section please.

But could he survive a weekend at our house?

Bear Grylls is talking about a potential series in which mere mortals get dropped into extreme survival situations alongside him. I can hear the call of the wild enticing me to apply. To hold out against some of the harshest conditions on the planet seems increasingly like an invaluable learning experience; I still haven't replaced B's kitchen.

Highly skilled workforce

Don Taylor's post on the our highly skilled workforce made me laugh. Which one are you?